


Star Trek References

by Beth Harker (Beth_Harker)



Series: Star Trek references [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Anxiety, Character Study, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I have tried to make it possible to follow without knowing Star Trek TNG, M/M, Post canon, Star Trek: The Next Generation - Freeform, Suicide mention, Torture, but - Freeform, real talk: I’m really happy with this fic, the characters do talk a lot about Star Trek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:47:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23517913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beth_Harker/pseuds/Beth%20Harker
Summary: Turns out Michael was on to something when he worried that swallowing a super computer would render Jeremy uninterested in video games, though it’s out of frustration at his newfound inability to follow them, rather than the belief that he’s too cool to play. He still dabbles here and there, and it seems to be getting better, but in the meantime he and Michael need to find another form of entertainment to keep themselves going, while Jeremy muddles through the process of returning to who he used to be.Michael suggests an epic Star Trek: the Next Generation rewatch.  He never guesses that Star Trek will become the lens through which Jeremy and he try to come to terms with the Squip incident.
Relationships: Jeremy Heere & Michael Mell, Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell, you choose if it is romantic or platonic
Series: Star Trek references [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1692367
Comments: 7
Kudos: 34





	Star Trek References

Jeremy Heere isn’t. 

In the aftermath of the Squip, Jeremy’s concentration abilities are well and thoroughly fucked over. Turns out Michael was on to something when he worried that swallowing a super computer would render Jeremy uninterested in video games, though it’s out of frustration at his newfound inability to follow them, rather than the belief that he’s too cool to play. He still dabbles here and there, and it seems to be getting better, but in the meantime he and Michael need to find another form of entertainment to keep themselves going, while Jeremy muddles through the process of returning to who he used to be. 

Michael suggests an epic Star Trek: the Next Generation rewatch, because he thinks it’s rad, and he’s been meaning to watch it anyway. Besides that, there’s some logic to it. The first season is mega cringe, so it won’t matter if Jeremy zones out through some or even most of it. The third season is where the show hits its stride, and with almost fifty largely mediocre episodes to work through before they reach the good stuff, Jeremy’s got time to relearn how to be present. 

They start the pilot episode about four weeks after Michael frees Jeremy from the Squip. They laugh at how it’s all so much more 80s than either of them remember it being, and Michael waxes poetic about what a perfect mixture of retro and futuristic it is. Jeremy laments that Wesley Crusher is more annoying than he remembers him being, back when they were thirteen and watching it for the first time and he wanted to _be_ him. 

( Michael doesn’t bring up how when _he_ was 13 and faced with Wesley, he’d low key had a crush on him.)

It’s fun and borderline normal. Michael hasn’t even begun to guess how much this rewatch is going to reveal. 

Because the thing with Jeremy and the Squip is that he never just sits down with Michael and tells him everything. Michael doubts Jeremy’s got it in him to do that, and in all honesty he’s not sure he’s got the strength to listen to every awful detail of the experience all at once. Bits of information trickle out in fits and starts. Michael finds the courage to ask questions here and there, sporadically and carefully. Next Generation, with its gazillions of episodes, which run the gamut of silly to heartbreaking, turns out to be a powerful conversation facilitator. 

———————-

The first time Jeremy brings up the Squip is during a random season one episode. Data is talking to Geordi, and he does that little head tilt thing of his. Michael glances at Jeremy, catches him copying it, and grins. It’s cute. Jeremy doesn’t seem to be noticing he’s doing it, but Michael likes him _so much_ in that moment. 

A few minutes later, after Michael’s gotten reabsorbed into the plot of the episode, Jeremy tugs his sleeve. 

“Yeah?” Michael pauses the TV. 

“Y’know that thing Data does?” Another head tilt from Jeremy.

“Uh-huh.” 

“My Squip did it too.” 

“Oh.” 

(Suddenly, Jeremy copying the mannerism has gone from endearing to fucked up and bad.)

“Usually... like. Like when he was watching Christine or whatever. Or when he was trying to understand human stuff.” 

“Well, obviously it failed big time at understanding human stuff,” Michael says. He doesn’t realize he’s scowling until Jeremy looks away from him. He puts an arm around Jeremy and tries to school his face into something friendlier. It doesn’t exactly work. Good thing Jeremy is still looking away. 

“Guess the head thing is a... thing,” Jeremy says, clarifying nothing. “A AI thing.”

“I mean, maybe.” 

“Y’know all those episodes where they’re trying to figure out if Data is really a person?” 

“He’s not,” Michael says. It’s not what he thinks. He loves Data. As far as he’s concerned, he’s the most persony person to ever person. Jeremy’s not talking about Data, though. 

In fact, he’s not talking at all any more. Whatever kind of moment they were just having, it’s lost now.

Several days later, Jeremy and Michael reach episode thirteen, Datalore, in which Data’s evil twin is introduced. Fictional as Data is, Michael has been stewing in his guilt at calling him a non-person. This episode gives him an out. 

“Actually, Data’s got a shit ton of humanity,” Michael says.

Jeremy, who hasn’t been inside Michael’s brain following the thoughts and conversations he has with himself, blinks in confusion. Fair enough. It was kinda a non sequitur. 

“I’m just saying,” Michael continues, “Data _is_ a person, but also AI can be evil and deserve to be destroyed by crystal space monsters. The two things aren’t mutually exclusive.” 

“Got it.” Jeremy smiles like he’s amused. “I hate Lore too.” 

————————

The episode 11001001 (still in the accursed first season) exemplifies the age old Star Trek trope of the holodeck going awry. In this case, a super intelligent and extremely human hologram lady called Minuette seduces Riker and Picard, so as to distract them from changes that these scrawny techno aliens are making to the ship. 

Jeremy is agitated. He changes his sitting position every couple of seconds. He looks away from the screen whenever Minuette gets too close to anybody. 

“You okay?” Michael asks. Jeremy doesn’t look okay. He makes a sound that’s a cross between clearing his throat, a surprised yelp, and gagging. “Jer?” 

“Yeah?” 

“You good, dude?”

“Uh... yeah. Riker’s really into.. uh. Things. With Minuette. I mean, of course he is. She’s hot.” 

“I guess. Is it a problem if he is?” Michael speaks slowly, scrutinizing Jeremy. 

“Well, it’s not real.” 

“Holodeck Levels of realness are all over the place. I’d like to think if we were playing Apocalypse of the Damned and one of the characters gained personhood and tried to seduce us, we’d be smart enough to put a stop to it, but who knows? It’d be kinda cool, right?” 

Jeremy gives Michael a nervous smile and goes back to watching the show. 

—————

During Skin of Evil, Michael is struck with something. The crew of the Enterprise is faced with an oil slick monster, which is the literal embodiment of evil. It laughs, manipulates, and hurts. By the end of the episode, Tasha Yar is mega dead, for funsies or whatever. 

“Was your Squip like that?” Michael asks, pointing to the undulating puddle of nefarious sludge on his TV screen. 

Jeremy laughs. “My Squip had better production values,” he says. “Give me some credit. I wouldn’t have listened to _that_.”

“What did it look like?” Michael asks, before he can stop himself. Jeremy’s mood is lighter than it usually is when they’re talking about the Squip. The question goes over okay. 

“Y’know. Keanu Reeves, crossed with like an anime villain I guess.” 

Michael nods. The oil slick on screen laughs demonically as it taunts Deanna, drawing Michael’s attention. 

“But it’s personality was like this?” he asks. 

Jeremy shrugs. 

“It tortured you because it could,” Michael presses. “It did it because it liked seeing you in pain.” 

“It wasn’t torture, and it did it because I suck,” Jeremy answers flatly. 

“But you don’t.” 

Jeremy shrugs. “I hate that we had to lose Tasha like this, but this episode’s got some cool concepts, though. Sorta. Like, conceptually, it has concepts. Like being able to remove everything bad about yourself, leave it behind, and escape to a different planet. Shitty execution, but cool concept.” 

Michael raises his eyebrows. “Conceptually it has concepts?” he repeats. 

“...Never mind. It’s a stupid episode. No concepts.” 

——————

“Now _this_ is an episode with concepts,” Michael says. They’ve reached season two, episode nine: the Measure of a Man. It’s the one where Data’s status as a sentient life form is decided in a court of law. It’s raw as hell— just mega dramatic and _good_. 

“I remember this one,” Jeremy says. “They rule in Data’s favor. Might as well skip it, since we know the ending.” 

“If we’re skipping episodes we know the ending to, we might as well skip all of it.” 

“I guess.” 

Jeremy and Michael settle in to the episode. Michael is sitting on Jeremy’s right, pressed in close against him. From the way Jeremy keeps looking to the left, Michael figures they’re not the only ones on his bed. 

“What’s it saying?” Michael asks. “Do I have to punch it?” 

“It’s fine. He’s a fan of Guinan. She’s his favorite character.”

Michael pauses the episode. “It’s got a favorite character?” 

“Not that I care. I like it better when it’s pressuring me to rewatch the Guinan scenes than when it’s pressuring me to run out into traffic.” 

Michael’s stomach hurts. “She’s not it’s favorite character. It doesn’t get a favorite character.”

“Good luck stopping it.” 

“I already have at least once. One of these days I’m gonna figure out how to shut it up for good.” 

Jeremy shrugs. The episode continues on. Riker argues that Data is not a person, because he can be deactivated, and his arm can be removed. Picard argues that Data is a person, because he’s intelligent and self-aware, and consciousness isn’t a thing that can be quantified. He argues that creating a whole species of Data-like androids and forcing them to serve Starfleet would be morally corrupt. Picard wins the day. Triumph! 

Jeremy looks like he’s going to throw up. “Good news! According to the criteria for sentience laid out in this episode, my Squip is a person! Also, expecting it to work for me is morally corrupt! It deserves its own life, and...”

And this is Jeremy in crisis mode. Michael takes his hands. “It’s not an Android. It’s not like that. It’s in a body and brain that don’t belong to it. That changes everything.” 

Jeremy doesn’t answer. Michael rubs his hands up Jeremy’s arms. “Look, do we need to stop watching this? We could always switch to X-Files.” 

Jeremy shakes his head. 

Michael swallows. He’s relieved, and he hates himself for being relieved. He touches Jeremy’s shoulder and tries to ignore the existential terror of Jeremy not liking about the things that he needs him to care about. Video games are over. If they abandon Star Trek, what’s next? At what point will they burn through everything they used to share, until Michael is left stewing in his nerdery by himself? 

“Are you okay?” Michael asks. 

Jeremy nods. 

“You’ve gotta stop associating the Squip with androids and holograms. It’s like the Borg, okay?” 

“It’s not like the Borg.” 

“We can skip the Borg episodes.” 

“It’s not like the Borg.” 

—————————-

“I hate Barclay,” Jeremy says. They’re watching the episode Hollow Pursuits. On the screen, Barclay sweats and stutters, afraid of everything except for the fantasy world he’s created for himself on the holodeck. 

“What’d he ever do to you?” 

Jeremy throws one of the M&Ms they’ve been sharing at the TV screen. His aim is terrible, so he only succeeds in hitting the wall, but Michael can guess his target well enough. 

“I’ve always thought Barclay was a good representation of anxiety,” Michael says. 

Jeremy looks off to the side. “He’s like forty and balding. It’s pitiful. Makes me wanna die.” 

“Dude, what the fuck.”

“Terrible,” Jeremy says. He blinks several times, eyes scrunching up. He shakes his head. “S-Sorry. You’re...uh. You’re right. Barclay’s a good representation of... stuff. He deserves to exist. I just... yuck. You think I’ll still stutter when I’m forty and balding?” 

“My moms say forty is when you stop caring about that kind of stuff. Also, your social circle gets smaller when you’re old, so you’ll only have to deal with cool people who love your stutter. Besides, you’ll have bigger things to worry about, like global climate change and picking out curtains. I say we should screw convention, and get curtains with dinosaurs on them.” 

“Uh-huh,” Jeremy agrees. They finish the episode in silence. 

Michael doesn’t mention this other episode he’s thinking about, where Barclay merges with the computer and tries to take over the ship. He can’t remember what season it’s from, but he has a sinking suspicion that it won’t be the best one for Jeremy. 

——————

Jeremy is adamant about not skipping the Borg episodes. Borg have nothing to do with anything. He’s cool with Borg and Borg are cool. 

Against Michael’s better judgement, they sit down to watch the season three finale, Best of Both Worlds. 

“This is where things get good,” says Jeremy. 

“That’s what you said at the start of season two, after Riker showed up with a beard.” 

“The beard is important!” 

“It’s a character in its own right.” 

“Every character should get one.” 

“You should get one.”

Jeremy kicks Michael, and settles in to watch the episode. He’s doing well, and Michael is glad. He doesn’t react to the Borg thing at all. Even when Picard is captured, Jeremy doesn’t react. As Picard undergoes his transformation on the Borg ship, a single tear running down his face, Jeremy doesn’t react at all. 

It’s Michael who has to go and ruin it by touching Jeremy’s hand at that moment. 

Jeremy sighs and rolls his eyes. “It wasn’t like that,” he says. 

“How wasn’t it? Picard loses everything, in case you’ve forgotten. He becomes a different person, and...”

“I didn’t fight it, for one thing. Where’s the part where Picard marches onto the Borg ship and pays them to shoot him up with their nanotechnology? Where’s the part where he’s like, ‘You want me to turn on my friends and destroy the planet? Sounds reasonable. Make it so.’” 

“There was more to it than that.” 

“I had a choice.” 

Michael looks away. He could ask Jeremy what kind of choices he made, but he’s not sure how much he wants to know. 

——————-

The award for stupidest episode to give Jeremy squippy vibes goes to QPid. It’s the one where Q changes the crew of the Enterprise to Robin Hood and his merry men. 

“It’s the trippiness,” Jeremy explains. “Like, things would be normal, then I’d say I didn’t want to eat an orange or whatever, and suddenly I’d be surrounded by dancing oranges in sunglasses, and it’s not like I could do a lot about it, so that’s how things would be for a while.”

Jeremy is waiting for Michael to say something. “Weird,” is all Michael to think of. 

“Tell me about it.” 

——————-

In Chain of Command (part II) Captain Picard is captured by the Cardassian Gul Madred. He’s stripped and chained to the ceiling by his arms. Gul Madred implants a machine in Picard’s brain that can flood his body with pain at the press of a button. Jeremy covers his eyes the first time it’s used. He straightens, and stares at the screen. By the end of the episode, he hasn’t moved a muscle. Michael shuts off the TV and Jeremy still doesn’t move. He waves his hand in front of Jeremy’s face. 

“Sorry,” Jeremy spits out. 

“We’re good. Are you good?” 

Jeremy nods. Then, he shakes his head. 

“What is it?” 

“The machine. In Picard’s head. It... um. I...”

Michael puts his hand on the side of Jeremy’s forehead, thumb over his temple. Jeremy shuts his eyes.

“Rich says his used to shock him.” 

Jeremy nods. Michael doesn’t know what to say, so he settles for quietly running his hands down Jeremy’s hair and neck, as though he can remedy whatever went down with belated gentleness. 

“It wasn’t as bad as in the show,” Jeremy says. 

“You’re not in a contest with Jean-luc Picard to see who can get tortured worse.” 

Jeremy rubs his hand over his eyes. “I—I’d lose. The thing where... where Madred is trying to get Picard to say there are four lights, not three. I would’ve said it in the first ten seconds. I’m worthless. I— I was going along with it every step of the way, and it still—”

“It still hurt you?” 

Jeremy nods. 

“That’s not your fault. You didn’t deserve that.” 

Jeremy shrugs. 

“Okay, so imagine Madred had somebody else on the Enterprise and they folded. Would you blame them?” 

“Nobody on the Enterprise would fold. They’re all better than that.” 

“I don’t know about that.” 

“Name one character who’d fold. You can’t.” 

“Picard almost did. He said so himself. It wouldn’t have made him the villain. Madred was villain.” 

“I don’t know,” Jeremy repeats. If Michael isn’t careful, Jeremy’s going to start doing mental contortions to excuse his Squip and blame himself for everything again. 

“Wait here a sec,” Michael says. He’s got an idea. He goes to his moms’ room, and swipes a hand mirror they keep in the dresser. Then, he goes back for Jeremy. “C’mon,” he says. 

There are points when Jeremy is extremely easy to lead. Usually they come about when he’s hit by Squip bullshit. It’s like he falls open, and will do anything he’s told. It’s like he loses anything he might’ve been storing up to keep himself from getting hurt, and Michael’s left trying to take care of him. 

They go into the bathroom. 

“Could you take off your shirt, Jer?” 

Jeremy does, giving it to Michael, who balls it up and places it on the lid of the toilet. He guides Jeremy to face the mirror and stands behind him, holding up the little hand mirror behind him, so that the streaky lightning scars on Jeremy’s back reflect back at him. 

“You see all this?” 

Jeremy nods. 

“It’s evidence. The tic-tac was fucking with you.” 

Nothing from Jeremy. 

“Bud, this is a big deal. You were tortured, and you didn’t handle it like Captain Picard because you’re real, and we don’t live in this shiny utopian future yet. We’re living in a world where the wrong technology mixes with your brain, and you’re still fighting to come back from it months later.”

“I’m trying,” Jeremy says, voice small. 

“I know.”

Jeremy shakes his head. He rubs at his eyes with balled up fists. “I— Michael, I meant it all those times I said that I wasn’t fighting against it most of the time it was in my head, except for right at the end.” 

_Yes, you were,_ Michael doesn’t say. He wants to. He prefers to believe that Jeremy fought, rather than willingly letting go of their friendship. Even so, the Squip can’t have given him a lot of room to say no to it. Something has to have happened, and one of these days Michael is gonna have to admit to himself that he doesn’t know even half of it.

“Okay,” Michael says quietly. 

Jeremy’s throat moves in a succession of quick swallows. Michael puts down the mirror and hands Jeremy his shirt. 

“I didn’t fight,” Jeremy repeats. “But I am now. Every day. I’ve figured out what’s important, and I’m working on it. I promise.” 

———————-

Jeremy Heere isn’t, but he’s getting there. 

Star Trek gives him a framework to talk about his experiences, though Michael’s starting to realize that almost anything could give him a similar framework at this point. It’s more a matter of time and listening instead of making presumptions. 

They’ve still got four more seasons to go.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is niche and I worked very hard on it. As such, comments are especially appreciated. Any other Star Trek fans reading? If you’re not, did you still find the story possible to follow?
> 
> Has anybody read multiple fics of mine and caught the link between this and that other one where they watch Star Trek?
> 
> Edit: As of today, I’ve just realized that AO3 user thesweatersong has also written a fic about Michael and Jeremy watching the Next Generation Episode Measure of a Man. If you’re in the mood for more fan fiction about Jeremy and Michael having feelings about extremely specific Star Trek episodes, I highly recommend also checking out that fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20106430/chapters/47628595?show_comments=true&view_full_work=false#comment_295447084


End file.
